At what age do kids stop wanting to hold your hand? Stop willingly receiving your kisses and cuddles? And when do you get them back? My son is now 10 and, blissfully, now tells me (with a little coaxing) that he loves me again, and will allow hugs, though hand-holding remains off-limits. And while I miss the open adoration of his early years, there’s something really charming and interesting about these, the repulsion years. Here’s a poem I wrote a couple of years ago, when I was trying to figure out how I felt about it all.
You Won’t Say I Love You, But…
Tonight we watched short clips of cats
Our hands held the phone, yours under mine
The closest to holding my hand
You’ve done in a while
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
You turned the light on to check if I was crying
When we watched a touching clip and I was trying
Not to weep, before you went to sleep.
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
When I said it was time to sleep you said
‘You could sleep here with me instead?’
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
We laugh until we shake, what bliss
And what is love, if love’s not this?
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
You say ‘one more, mum, just one more’
(I can’t say no, so we watch four)
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
I tell you and tell you, with a kiss to seal it
You won’t say ‘I love you’
But…
I feel it.