Thought you wouldn’t be one of those mums? Think again. Here are 12 things I never thought I’d do… Before becoming a mum.
- Just put another jumper on to cover up a vomit stain on the one underneath, rather than actually taking the offending item off
- Say “Thank God for the slow cooker”
- Understand why mums talk in weird high-pitched voices. (It seems to make them happy and also you feel less mean when you say “what the hell is your problem just go to sleep for Christ’s sake” or “if I don’t have a glass of wine in the next five minutes I’m going to kill someone” in a chirpy baby voice)
- Think that my needy, tear-around, ‘feed me, feed me’ cats were actually pretty low-maintenance
- Live off meals you can eat with a spoon alone for six months
- Walk backwards with actual comedy cartoon ‘quietly quietly’ creeping steps away from a cot
- Really and truly think about someone else’s wellbeing before my own
- Appreciate the fact that I only had myself to look after
- Fall down the stairs (I’ve now done this twice)
- Get more excited about buying clothes for someone other than myself
- Go on Mumsnet at 3am
- Appreciate the bliss of waking up when you’ve actually had enough sleep. Some sleep. ANY BLOODY SLEEP.
*First published 17 March 2016*
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